


Oh, Alien

by minolyn



Category: Ylvis
Genre: 2 menn 1 dress reference, Fluff, M/M, Valle, idk man, insecurities?, oh pff duh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 04:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2296286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minolyn/pseuds/minolyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calle's self conscious about working with Ylvis, two men a lot more classically attractive than he.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, Alien

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a special, well deserved gift to a tumblr friend.   
> I'm sorry that this isn't better, but I hope you like it anyway.

This is ridiculous.  
What was he, a girl? Only girls get so self conscious of their looks. He’d never been this bothered by his hollow cheeks, bulging eyes or overly skinny form. Calle was a comedian, looking weird was nothing but an asset to his job.

But ever since he started working with the pretty Ylvis boys in IKMY he couldn’t help feeling.. sub-par. At least he was taller than both of them, otherwise he felt he’d have absolutely nothing going for him. No one said anything of course, but whenever any of them got a laugh, he sensed a difference in the kind of laugh they got. Ylvis seemed to be funny in an “oh, they’re so adorable” way, whereas Calle felt that people found him funny in an “oh, he’s so weird” kind of way. Again, it was hardly new to him that people found him weird, but with Raske Menn they were ALL weird. Now it was just him being freakish next to the two cuties.

He loved working with them though. Vegard was an old high school friend and Bård was always a pleasure to have around. He never thought he’d get the opportunity to really work with them after school and was overjoyed when they made the offer. Now he just worried about them liking him enough back to let him stay.

It was when they’d come up with the “2 menn i 1 dress” sketch, that his worries seemed to be validated.  
It started out with an oversized pair of trainers they’d found. Calle got in the front and Vegard in the back, that time. They tried walking around and sitting, it was so clumsy very soon everyone in the room was sliding off their chairs in hearty laughter.

“Right, but this is actually pretty flexible, imagine if we were wearing a full and proper suit!” Vegard said, right before he bumped into Calle, who had stopped walking without warning.

“We’d probably have to get the suit custom-made.” Calle said, gripping Vegard’s hips behind him to keep steady on his feet.

“That shouldn’t be a problem.” Vegard said.

“The shoes might be, though.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Bård joined the conversation, once he calmed down a bit from his fit of laughter, “fuck, you know what? We should send you out into the street to just run errands or something and interact with people, not just keep it to the studio.”

Calle felt Vegard’s chest against his back as he laughed at the idea and said, “People will freak out!”

“You’re right, maybe you should be in front, Vegard.” Bård replied, a broad grin still spread across his face. Calle’s stomach tightened. He understood the insinuation immediately, though Vegard was slow to catch on, as usual.

“Huh? Why?”

“You’ve got a chubby, cuddly face. You guys’ll need all the help you can get for people not to run away screaming at the sight of two fucking idiots in a giant suit!” Bård fell apart laughing again halfway to the end of his sentence.  
Bård was smooth, Calle had to hand it to him. He managed to turn it into an insult for his brother, calling him chubby, rather than say what Calle knew to be his real thoughts. Calle’s face was too scary looking to pull this off.

They got the suit made. The shoes indeed were a problem so they usually practiced without them. Vegard actually tried to suggest switching the roles a couple of times, since he was the heavier of the two (though not by much, and Calle wasn’t actually bothered by it) and it made more sense for Calle to have to sit on his lap than vice versa. But everyone involved in the sketch said it would be better if Vegard were in front, especially if they were going to try and get away with buying a movie ticket for one and talk to strangers on the street. On one such occasion, as Vegard was arguing his case, Calle had had enough of the embarrassment, leaned forward inside the suit and whispered into his ear, “Leave it alone, Vegard. You’re not as heavy as you think you are and clearly no one wants the alien up front. It’s fine.”

Vegard turned his head back to partially face him, “Did you just call yourself a..”

“Just drop it, okay? I’m happy back here.” Calle growled, turning away from his incredulous look.

“mkay..” Vegard finally muttered, and they got on with their practice.

As the day came to a close, the two were left alone in their suit in a dressing room, Calle trying to coordinate expressive arm movements with whatever Vegard could think to say in front of a mirror. Sometimes Calle would peek out from behind Vegard’s curls to look at him talking, others he buried his face in the back of his neck, his eyes closed and tried to do it only by hearing. Whenever Vegard gave a giggle he assumed he must have done something right. There were few sounds more satisfying that Vegard’s laughter. Calle felt an immense sense of pride and self worth whenever he’d managed to coax it out of him.

And his hair smelled so nice…

“Calle?”

Vegard’s voice brought him back to attention. Apparently, he’d almost dozed off behind him, and he had his arms wrapped around Vegard in a weak embrace.

“Sorry! I think we’d better call it a day, I’m falling asleep back here.”

Vegard chuckled, “Yeah, we have been at it for a while now. Let’s get out of this thing.”

Vegard couldn’t do much other than wait while Calle struggled to shrug off the suit jacket, his own arms being tucked inside the shirt. Calle had his face pressed up between his shoulders as he worked on getting out of the sleeves. The touch was not awkward, they were always completely comfortable with each other.

“Can I ask you something?” said Calle after a minute, though he was getting a little breathless from the effort.

“Sure.”

“Why do you keep trying to switch places in this thing?”

Vegard was quiet a second before answering, “I just kinda feel bad, you having to carry my weight..”

“Don’t give me that, you can’t possibly have that much of a weight complex, no matter what Bård says. You’re in no way heavy, now what is it?”

Calle finally got the jacket off and was looking Vegard in the eyes through the mirror as he started loosening the tie around them. Vegard had pulled the giant shirt out of the trousers and slipped his hands under it to work on the belt buckle and zipper. Eventually, he lowered his gaze to the floor, “I.. it’s just that the one up front will have to talk to people. You’re better at that than I am.”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

“It’s true! I’m not saying I can’t talk to people, but.. people throw me off, I don’t know. You’re way more confident being weird in front of people than I am.”

“Yeah, and it’s fine when it’s supposed to be startling. But that’s not what we’re going for here. Your adorable face is way better suited for this one, I’ll just scare people off.”

“Why does everybody keep saying that?” Vegard got the trousers undone and they dropped to the floor. Both men stepped out of the legs in their boxer shorts, grateful to have more space to move around, though the shirt still kept them together.

“Because it’s true?” Calle said, pulling the tie off and throwing it on the make up counter, then starting work on the shirt buttons from the top one at the base of Vegard’s neck.

“Is that really what you think? That your face is scary?” Vegard asked, making eye contact in the mirror again. Calle had a hard time holding it.

“Well ah.. I mean, compared to you.. I’m not exactly…” he stammered.

Vegard turned around inside the shirt, so that he was facing Calle, and looked him directly in the eyes. They were so close their noses almost touched. A cheeky little smile played on Vegard’s lips. He placed his hand on Calle’s cheek and said, “Oh, Alien. You’ve always been beautiful to me.”

It was an honest reassurance in joke form, and it shot through Calle’s mind leaving electrical shockwaves in its wake until it nestled itself inside a corner of his heart and wouldn’t leave. He didn’t know it yet, but that was the moment he’d fallen in love with Vegard, even though all they did that particular evening was get out of the oversized shirt, redress in their own separate clothes, and part ways for the night.


End file.
